Friday, August 5, 2011

If you like your cats, make sure they don't shelter in the car engine in the winter...

We used to attract stray cats...but no more... alas, whatever kind of beacon our house gave out that said, hey there, we have dogs, but why dont any kind of raggedy cats that feel like making their way down, setting up home and expecting us to feed them, feel free! We're an animal rescue centre!!! seems to have disappeared. And by alas, I mean thank fuck..

Don't get me wrong. I like cats. In fact when I grow old, I'm going to be a cat woman. And I don't mean the cartoon sense of the term. I mean, I'm going to be a mad bag of a woman who sits on her porch in her rocking chair surrounded by her cats which are half dead and mouldy looking, shouting at the children and hitting people with her walking stick. When I die, surrounded by my cats, they're going to eat me, coz all cats want is to be fed and petted and once that dries up, bang, they don't care anymore. No loyalties, cats. And if they see food, they're gonna eat it, and when I'm dead that's what I'll be to them- just another meal. I'm okay with that. Going back to nature and all that.

When I was younger I loved cats as well. Had a pet one. Called it Treasure. (yeh, even as a kid I was fascinated by pirates) It died. Kind of like all of our cats. Not that they were all called treasure. Just that they all died. Or ran away... But that was cool. I lived on a farm, we had cattle, calves died all the time. And dogs, the dogs died too after an average of 3 years. And rats. The dogs killed the rats, sometimes rat poison did it either, but they ended up in the yard dead either way, so we saw an awful lot of dead animals and pets as kids. But I'm getting off topic. I think the reason that we no longer attract stray cats was one incident about 4 years ago......

My younger sister had a cat called Mittens. She loved Mittens, with its little white feet and its cute little face. But one cold winters weekend, she couldn't find Mittens, and by Monday morning, when it was time to go to school, she still couldn't find Mittens. However, they had to go to school, so herself and the younger brother got in the car, and Da started the engine and started to reverse out the drive and then the engine sputtered and died, out of nowhere. And he tried to turn it on a few times and it still wouldn't turn on, so eventually, he opened the bonnet....and after a minute or two, he called to my sister....

> I found Mittens!!

And my sister was delighted for a brief minute until my father started pointing and continued,

> There he is...and there...and there's another bit of him..and another bit over there...

The cat had sheltered in the engine where it was nice and warm. Unfortunately, the engine turning on and chopping him to bits was not something he had bargained on. The sister did not feel like looking. 

I think there must have been something in the air since then. A sense of foreboding or something...something that told cats, stay away, this is not a safe place for you to be. There are no cats left at the farm. Don't get me wrong. I still like cats. I still might be an old cat woman in the future, but in the meantime it saves a lot on cat food..


  1. Oh jesus.

    I felt bad that I kinda laughed a bit when I pictured your dad pointing at different bits of poor Mittens.

  2. Haha, yeh, he was a bit too honest about poor Mittens' shouldve seen the look on my sisters face!!!! :P

  3. This would have scarred me for life.

  4. well she does still get that glazed over 'horrible-flashback' look on her face when she thinks about it..... :/ :)